My Favorite PC Games of All Time

Since I've been posting my thoughts like a nonstop stream of verbal ejaculate tonight, here's my list of all time favorite computer games. Notice I didn't say video games, since I absolutely can't stand consoles. Fucking gamepads can't compare to a mouse and keyboard. Oh, and WoW doesn't count, I can't really classify it with my others, since it's an MMO. So yea, enjoy. I certainly did.

1. DooM - id software
This is the one that started it all. Well, not technically, cause id software actually started the First Person Shooter genre with their nearly as good Wolfenstein 3D. But uh, this was the big one. The one that truly changed the landscape and broke the boundaries. Taking the initial gameplay of W3D, id elevated it to a new level, literally, with elevated level design and way more colorful backgrounds. From a ravaged Mars base to the bowels of Hell itself, Doom was an exhilerating experience back in the good ol days of 1994. Nothing like it had ever been seen before, and pumping a shotgun shell into a demonic hellspawn for the first time was a truly empowering moment.

Has the first person shooter genre moved beyond the corridor crawls of Doom and its many clones? Well... yes, it's number one for nostalgic reasons, but history must be respected. They're the foundation for what we have now, and should be appreciated. There aren't enough adjectives to describe everything Doom made me feel when I played it, but this landmark in computer gaming is one four letter word that cannot be tossed around lightly.

2. Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six/Rogue Spear - Red Storm Entertainment
As much as Doom was my gateway into computer games and its rich potential, Rainbow Six and its sequel Rogue Spear was my meat and potatoes. Back when I actually had a subscription to a gaming magazine (God, those were the days...) this preview for a game based on a Tom Clancy novel immediately caught my attention. I had gotten plenty bored of Quake 2 and was restless for something different and unique. The ultra-realistic gameplay of Rainbow Six fit to a T. Still, my computer at that time was unable to meet the minimum requirements for R6, so it would take a couple months before I actually got into it. But get into it I did, with a passion that now seems somewhat inhuman. I lovingly outfitted each operative with different weapons, carefully mapped out their mission routes and held my breath as they soldiered out to take down the terrorists and rescue the hapless hostages. Of course, on more then one occasion the entire operation would turn into a fiasco with multiple casualties and hostages gunned down. Alas, back to the drawing board.

But multiplayer was where Rainbow Six really shined. Freed of the cumbersome AI, it was amazing to encounter a situation where you could be taken out by the opposing team in just one or two bullets. The added lethality of the weapons and the reduced margin of error made for the most amazingly tense multiplayer matches ever. Rogue Spear, the sequel which I bought on opening day was much more of the same. I have to be honest, Rogue Spear multiplayer devoured my life throughout 4 years of high school and doubtless contributed to the fact that my GPA suffered and I never had a girlfriend. Oh well, it seemed worth it, that's just how obsessed I was with the game. Even outside the game itself, I posted frequently on RSE's (the maker of R6) forums and made quite a few memorable friends, who later formed their own personal forum at planb3.com. Rainbow Six is truly an immense chunk of my life and I have nothing but fond memories to look back on.

3. Freespace 2 - Volition
A commercial product lovingly crafted with care and detail. A scifi story epic in scope and layered with mysteries. An instant classic with legions of diehard fans in a niche genre. Boy, they don't make em like this anymore. All these sentences describe Volition's much beloved Freespace 2. Not to be confused with the partitioning utility software, FS2 is a scifi space simulation which deals with an alien threat to humanity out among the stars. Sound cliched? Yes, it is. But combine the best aspects of space sims (Wing Commander/TIE Fighter) and polish it until it gleams with radiant storytelling and space environments, and you've got this treasured masterpiece.

The first Freespace got everything pretty much right, but Volition outdid themselves on their second outing. Introducing dense nebulas to their already painterly regular space environs, the cosmic ether is a wonderful place to fight in. The pace of the game is leisurely at the beginning, but quickly ramps up to a deadly tempo as you fight to save humans and their Vasudan allies from the return of the Shivans, the antagonists of the first game. And boy, they return with a vengeance. Don't be comfortable now that mankind's built a huge new capital ship named the GTVA Colossus, the Shivans can more then match it. The twists and turns in the narrative are never anything less then captivating, and the entire game does everything to make you feel apart of an epic struggle betwen spacefaring civilizations. In the end, questions will linger, which unfortunately must remain unanswered as it doesn't look like we'll ever get a Freespace 3 due to poor sales of FS2. One of the greatest injustices in history.

4. Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Chaos Theory - Ubisoft
Yes yes, another Tom Clancy game. What can I say, I've got a hardon for this particular brand of realistic gameplay. Also why I find Counter-Strike such a disappointing and disgusting phenomenon. Ah well, back to Sam Fisher. Splinter Cell was one of the greats, and why it isn't on this list is simply because Chaos Theory, the third one in the series, just takes everything from Splinter Cell and makes it better. Better weapon mechanics, better graphics, better lighting, better enemy AI, better level design, and holy shit they added a knife for Sam! Truly, the most important addition to any series, ever. Slicing someone's throat open from the side with it is one of the most satisfying moves in gaming.

Chaos Theory is also superior in its addition of a fantastic co-op mode online. Instead of sneaking around by yourself, you could actually sneak around and perform stealth knockouts with a teammate. While limited to four levels, it was not a thoughtless addition and provided some genuinely exciting and tense action. While not anywhere near as cinematic or annoyingly labored with its storytelling as the Metal Gear Series, Splinter Cell is the superior stealth genre series in my humble opinion. PS: don't get SC Double Agent, it's a buggy mess on the PC.

5. MechWarrior 2 - Activision
I must be honest and open. BattleTech is my favorite fictional universe, bar none. While I am also a huge Star Trek fan, my first love has always been BattleTech. I can still remember walking into a game store in my wee youth and stumbling into the back, where I laid eyes on a 3025 Technical Readout, the one with the Marauder on the front. Sure didn't know it at the time, but I would end up collecting a large part of that universe's books over the years. I actually paid 144 dollars for a vinyl model of a Timber Wolf and have it sitting on my shelf. This universe obviously means a great deal to me. And the closest gaming portrayal of the BattleTech universe is the classic MechWarrior 2. The Clans are my favorite faction in BattleTech, so to be able to immerse myself in Clan Jade Falcon or Clan Wolf was incredibly enjoyable. Plus, the completely open weapon loadout customization and just the well thought out gameplay mechanics make the actual game a joy to pilot. The fluff of the universe is simply icing on the cake for a simulation which portrays 20-100 ton walking machines of warfare. Another classic which you can't really get to play on Windows XP or Vista these days, but what memories!

6. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic - LucasArts
The very first RPG I ever played. And goddamn, couldn't have started off on a better foot. This is sorta like deciding to watch your very first superhero movie and picking The Dark Knight. Everything that comes after just seems like a letdown. That's kinda how I feel about KOTOR. And you've gotta know this about me, I fucking hate Star Wars. Never been fond of it. But this game... this story just sucked me in and never let go. I absolutely had to keep playing to find out what was going to happen to these characters I'd become attached to. To do this to me, someone who had never played RPGs, didn't like em, and had no interest in Star Wars either, well... that's just about the highest compliment I think I can give. Too bad its sequel couldn't match the great story of the first one. But alas, lightning in a bottle only happens every once in a while.

Honorable Mentions:

Dawn of War - Never liked Starcraft. But played the hell out of this
Max Payne 2 - Bullet time physics never felt so fun.
Quake - Another classic of the genre, paved the way for shitloads of mods
TIE Fighter - Without this triumph, we would never have gotten Freespace 2

Why Captain America should not be Big Willy

Ok, so this rumor comes out today that Captain America is gonna be played by Mr "Aw Hell Naw" Will Smith himself. Aintitcool, Slashfilm, etc all post it. Big hoopla, you can imagine. Turns out a couple hours later that actually no, Marvel had not ever talked about Will Smith for the role, it's all a bunch of internet bullshit. Which makes sense, the internet is a gravitational black hole for common-sense-defying turds. Yet in the meantime, a bunch of geeks and nerds had wasted intensive manhours into typing out lengthy reasonings and rebuttals about Mr. Smith's applicability for membership into the superhero fraternity.

Or they just ranted and raved and called each other racists for no goddamn reason.

Yea, let's stick with the latter, because it's the truth and what really happened. Now, I'm all for diversity. I think the civil rights movement was wonderful and needed and yadda yadda. But uh, I do not believe that Will Smith should play Captain America. Granted, I'm not even really a fan of the Patriotic Avenger, the only two Marvel superheroes I really like are Daredevil and Iron Man. But if they came up with a good movie about Cap, sure I'll go see it, I like superhero movies as much as the next guy. Ok, that's being modest. I actually like superhero movies way more then the average joe.

So yea, I've given thought to casting for superhero movies. And when there was that rumor that Beyonce Knowles was up for Lois Lane in Superman Returns, I thought no, that's a horrible idea. When Michael Clarke Duncan showed up as the Kingpin for Daredevil, I thought no, that's a horrible idea. And when Will Smith was mentioned for Superman, and now Captain America, I thought no, that's a horrible fucking idea. This does not make me a racist, anymore then it would be racist for someone to ask that Black Panther be played by a black guy. Cause guess what, Black Panther IS a black guy. Superman IS a white guy. An alien, but nonetheless a white alien. And Captain America is unquestionably a white guy with blond hair and blue eyes.

Now, some dumbass in a talkback said it was ok for actors to be different from the role that they were portraying, citing Bruce Wayne and Christian Bale. Obviously in real life, Christian Bale is a Welsh guy with a Welsh accent. Yet in the Batman movies, he's an American guy with an American accent. Guess what you amazingly amusing fuck, it's not that hard for Christian Bale to affect an American accent. It would be much harder, pretty much impossible for Will Smith to portray a Caucasian male with blond hair and blue eyes. Well actually, I guess we have the Wayan brothers to remind me that it's actually possible to alter one's appearance that much. Ok, well uh... it's sorta possible, but why go to that absurd length? It simply makes no sense. There are roles for black actors. Luke Cage, Black Panther, John Stewart, Storm... all superheroes that are actually black! OMGWTFBBQ...

It is not racist to demand an accurate and respectful treatment of the source material. This is what made Iron Man and The Dark Knight successes. It is not unreasonable to believe that an actor matching Steve Rogers' appearance can be found for the role of Steve Rogers. Yes, ths is an imperfect world, and little nitpicky stuff like the hair color of Harvey Dent will slip through (it's supposed to be brown in the comics, it was blond in the movie) but there should not be an intentional deviation for the sake of shock or novelty or celebrity status. Truly, in that way lies madness.

Oh, and I never liked the Fresh Prince anyways.

Websites I like, and you should too

Slashfilm.com - My one stop shop for all movie related news/rumors/reviews. Also carries a highly amusing podcast every week where they review a current movie and bullshit about pop culture in general and movies specifically. Even had Paul Scheer for one podcast, the guy with the gap in his teeth on VH1's Best Week Ever. That's when you know you're big on the Net.

Spill.com - Four funny ass guys in animated Flash videos reviewing/making fun of the latest movies. Much more entertaining then the description I just gave. Once you've watched one, you're hooked.

Cheggit.net - Where I get my porn. Duh!

apple.com/trailers/ - Cmon, everybody needs movie trailers. What better way to view em then as quicktime on the internet? I mean fuck, who needs to actually go all the way to the theater to see them, when they might be attached to some lame feature presentation, ya know?

Hulu.com - Now I just recently found this site, recommended by some lass in Dark Destiny. Great site for free television shows.

planb3.com - A cozy little forum some online friends of mine set up back in the mid 90's for video gaming. I can't say I frequent it much anymore, but definitely full of intelligent discussion and general buffoonery.

btjunkie.org - For all my general non-porn bittorrenting needs.

My Top Five Comic Book Movies

1. The Dark Knight
A dark masterpiece. Epic in scope and thought. The bar which all future superhero movies must measure themselves against. This is the Batman movie we all deserved, even if we didn't know we needed it. Heath Ledger's performance is one for the ages.

"Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight."


2. Spider-Man 2
The quintessential superhero tale. Just the right amount of humor, tragedy, and superheroism for a Spider-Man story. Doc Ock secures his place as one of the all time great supervillains. Spidey is bent, bruised, and pushed to his limits, but never broken. Just like any great story, the triumph in the final act rewards the audience with a renewal of faith and optimism.

"I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams."


3. Superman
The granddaddy of them all. Without this 1978 classic, there wouldn't have been any Batman, Spider-Man, or Iron Man. Richard Donner's keyword was "verisimilitude", and its influence is evident in almost every scene. Christopher Reeve is Superman to me, as surely as the sky is blue. Probably the greatest credit intro sequence in the history of superhero movies, thanks to John Williams.

"You will travel far, my little Kal-El. But we will never leave you, even in the face of our death. The richness of our lives shall be yours. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel, all this and more, I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you, all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father the son."


4. Iron Man
A truly engaging origin story told with enthusiasm and creativity. Robert Downey Jr completely embodies Tony Stark and allows us to believe his transformation from brilliant arms dealer to armored protector of the masses. Coupled with superb special effects and a great supporting cast, this movie lifts off and never comes close to touching down.

"They say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it, that's how America does it and it's worked out pretty well so far."


5. Batman Begins
Rescued Batman from the previous entry "Batman and Robin." Nuff said.

"No, this is your mask. Your real face is the one that criminals now fear. The man I loved, the man who vanished, he never came back at all. But maybe he's still out there somewhere. Maybe some day, when Gotham no longer needs Batman, I'll see him again."

A Dark Night Indeed

I was completely blown away. It's probably the best superhero movie I've ever seen. The movie did have a lot of hype and expectations and to be honest, I think it exceeded them.

Heath Ledger was pitch perfect as the Joker. His magic pencil trick was um, quite effective, let's just say. Cackling and twitching, odd mannerisms ahoy, Ledger completely becomes the Killer Clown from Hell. No one's going to remember Jack Nicholson after this one. The one recurring thought I had walking out of the theater was how unfortunate it was that we wouldn't see his incredible talent again in the inevitable third feature.

Aaron Eckhart's Harvey Dent was also excellent. As other reviews have already said, he is the White Knight to Batman's Dark Knight. The entire central plot is pretty much designed to channel this man's fall from grace. When you first see the full reveal of Two Face's face, it's hard not to gasp. The CGI/make-up for Two Face is how he should always look, it's iconic and grotesque and realistic all at the same time.

At a running time of 2 and a half hours, this is ostensibly a rather long movie, yet it never felt that way to me. Probably the fastest 2 and a half hours I've spent in the theaters. From the opening bank robbery to the sobering finale, I was completely captivated by this epic crime tale from Chris Nolan. Yes, this is not simply a feel good superhero movie like Iron Man (which I enjoyed a lot), but an honest to God HEAT-esque crime drama. For some people, this may not be a good thing. They may complain that it wasn't light hearted enough, that it was disturbing to peer into the heart of darkness in a city without hope. For those people, yes... please go elsewhere. Maybe go watch Mamma Mia. For the rest of us, The Dark Knight is a night to remember.

What the hell was Clan Wolf thinking?

So we all know that Clan Wolf was the most successful of the 4 Invasion Clans in 3049-52. Yes yes, they were the only ones to capture their two objective cities on Tukayyid. This is all because of writer fiat IMO, but let's just go with the facts here. What was the secret to their phenomenal success? Some might say it was their Warden leanings, but Ghost Bear also had strong Wardens in their ranks, which didn't seem to help their initial invasion performance.



One thing I believe is clear: the reliance on the Gargoyle OmniMech was surely not the source of their success. Seriously, look at the specs on this piece of shit:

Assault Class: 80 tons
Cruising Speed: 54 kph
Maximum Speed: 86 kph
Pod space: 21.75 tons

Primary Configuration:
2 SRM-6s
2 LBX-5s
ER Small Laser

How in God's name does this work out to being a good Assault Mech? I mean yes, the speed is nice, but speed alone will not win battles. "Oh god yes, this amazing speed for my Assault Mech is gonna allow me to flank the enemy and hit his rear with... LBX-5s? What the fuck is a pair of LBX-5s even doing on an assault mech? Coupled with the SRM-6s, the Gargoyle seems like it'd be awesome for dealing criticals once armor is exposed, but the problem is there aren't any armaments to expose that armor in the first place. A large lumbering mech with peashooters... sounds like a Clan version of the infamous Banshee. While the A variant is at least somewhat competent with a pair of ER PPCs to deal heavy dmg, one would assume it was not as common as the Primary. And the other variants besides the A are similarly underwhelming. Simply put, Clan Wolf should not have had anywhere near the level of success they had if they were truly using the Gargoyle in large numbers. In fact, one finds it hard to believe that a Gargoyle in 3049 could even stand toe to toe with a 3025-tech Awesome or Atlas. In those situations, with zellbrigen in place, the Gargoyle should be ripped apart quite easily, as it does not seem to have much armor either. Ironically, the Smoke Jaguars that used mostly Dire Wolves were depicted as being less successful, even though the Dire Wolf is 20 tons heavier and packs about twice as much firepower in its chassis.



Because of the obvious incompetence of the Gargoyle design and weapons loadout, it seems the only reasonable theory would be that Clan Wolf instead relied mostly on its excellent Timber Wolves for assault-based actions, only using Gargoyles as backup support. With the good armor allocation and weapons configurations of the Timber Wolf design, there was hardly a reason to use Assault Mechs against the 3025 armies of the Inner Sphere. The Timber Wolf was unquestionably the best Heavy OmniMech design the Clans had and would not be challenged for that status until the arrival of the Nova Cat in 3059.

Buffets: Fuck Em

Seriously, I can't stand buffets these days. Yes, in my youth I devoured their contents with great ease and vigor, but now that my metabolism has slowed down it just seems like an exercise in torture, stuffing your gut with all this low quality food. Make no mistake, buffets have shit for cuisine. That shark fin soup? One or two strands of shark fin in every spoonful. That sushi? Too much rice, not enough fish. It's how they make a profit, obviously.

Well, no more. I've learned my ways. Plus, my stomach doesn't seem capable of stretching as much as it used to. Sure, I can cram more food down if I want to, but I'll just end up feeling sick and shitty. Is that really worth it for some sense of "stickin it" to the buffet's bottom line? Sorry, I surrender. Nowadays, the sensible option is to go to a nice hearty restaurant like... ohhhh Red Lobster. I admit, Red Lobster is the bomb. Even some ppl I know who don't like sea food as a general rule will be won over by the elegant seafaring charms of your local Red Lobster establishment. Who can ignore the scrumptious complementary buttered bread thingies? Or the large ocean liner-sized Ultimate Feast? Even their steak is pretty damn good, which one might not expect from a seafood-oriented restaurant.

My typical outing at a RL (Red Lobster for those of the lower IQ brackets) consists of a caesar salad, then a dozen raw oysters with dashes of cocktail sauce, followed by an exquisite lobster pizza, and finally an ultimate feast. Though recently, I have experimented with the lobster shrimp and steak as a replacement for the ultimate feast, which is an old faithful standby. Oh, and of course a Sunset Passion Colada to quench my mighty thirst. Yes my friends, nothing but a pleasant and enjoyable outing while stuffing one's face with high quality seafood. Sure, the bill will probably end up being higher then that of a buffet's if you follow my menu selections, but as the old saying goes, you get what you pay for.

And yes, I do quite realize that the above passages sound like I'm getting paid to be some sort of blogging shill for the Red Lobster corporation. Unfortunately, I am actually kind of a slacker who plays WoW all day. When the need for nutrients arises, I simply like tasty seafood as opposed to hot pockets delivered to my basement.