Has anyone noticed that AMC has started showing movies that aren't really considered American Movie Classics? Like, you'll see films that aren't actually in black and white. They won't be stuff starring Jimmy Stewart or Gary Cooper.
It just seems strange, having a channel dedicated to American Movie Classics that actually shows a lot of trash.
You know, I was just surfing for porn torrents, when this one guy labeled his as JAP, because it had a Japanese porn star in it.
This other guy got pissed, cause he thought it stood for Jewish American Princess. WTF does that even mean?
You wanna know how I know I'm old? The day somebody on TV started talking about how hot the Olsen twins were. And I'm all... "What, the baby from Full House?! You sick fucks!!!"
And now there are porn stars and people like Megan Fox that are way younger then me. That's depressing.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Review: Dead Space Downfall
Well, I started playing Dead Space today and figured I'd give the companion animated DVD a spin, since it's supposed to fill in the backstory... and it's pretty entertaining. You might wanna give it a look.
And by entertaining, I don't mean it's entirely entertaining in and of itself. It's more like, entertaining because it's amusing to spot how much stuff they lifted from Alien and The Thing, and I hear also Event Horizon, but I never saw Event Horizon, so I can only really think of Alien and The Thing. Like, they utilized pretty much every sort of sci-fi horror cliche in the book.
Right off the top of my head, I can list... well, the central character is a security officer on board this ship who's pretty much Ripley but a redhead. And of course, she closes off the movie with a narrative that just screams "This is Ellen Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off." Though she doesn't go to cryo sleep with a cat, sad to say.
And they make every effort to make the ship as vulnerable as possible. The security team for this huge ship is apparently 6 people, half of whom freak out at the first sign of trouble. Oh, and they of course are only armed with these pistols that don't do much damage and require frequent reloads, since weapon technology never keeps pace with... ya know, interstellar travel. Annnnnnd they only seem to have a tank top, cargo pants, and these ugly leather jackets for protection.
It goes without saying that the ship's interior resembles the Nostromo, and the aliens quickly cover it in some mutant membrane, just like in Aliens.
Oh, but of course, these are only somewhat alien, since they're actually mutated crewmembers that get stuck in the head and injected by a flying alien, just like the brain bug in Starship Troopers.
And this whole accident started because these colonists on a planet discovered a giant alien "artifact," and you can't help but think of the alien crashed ship from Alien.
Of course, the Captain of the ship wants to bring the dreaded artifact back to Earth, which the doctor reasons is a somewhat dangerous endeavor, so he ends up killing the captain and trying to scuttle the ship, to prevent the aliens from infecting Earth. Just the same ol "Protect the rest of humanity" cliche we've seen time and time again.
Oh, and the final climax of the movie has the security officer using the emergency airlock to blow a bunch of the things out into space, a la the Alien/Aliens ending.
Have I impressed upon you the magnitude of the "flattery" this animated film engages in?
I almost forgot to mention, but this is probably the goriest bloodiest animated film I've ever seen. One poor lady gets completely chainsawed in half and you get to see her skeleton cross section...
Oh yea! Another cliche I just remembered... they meet this one Indian mystic who joins the survivors and holds off a wave of aliens before being butchered, a la Billy from Predator. And later, another character sacrifices himself by closing the door on the main character after saying "It's been an honor serving with you."
This is ridiculous, I ought to put together a friggin list.
And by entertaining, I don't mean it's entirely entertaining in and of itself. It's more like, entertaining because it's amusing to spot how much stuff they lifted from Alien and The Thing, and I hear also Event Horizon, but I never saw Event Horizon, so I can only really think of Alien and The Thing. Like, they utilized pretty much every sort of sci-fi horror cliche in the book.
Right off the top of my head, I can list... well, the central character is a security officer on board this ship who's pretty much Ripley but a redhead. And of course, she closes off the movie with a narrative that just screams "This is Ellen Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off." Though she doesn't go to cryo sleep with a cat, sad to say.
And they make every effort to make the ship as vulnerable as possible. The security team for this huge ship is apparently 6 people, half of whom freak out at the first sign of trouble. Oh, and they of course are only armed with these pistols that don't do much damage and require frequent reloads, since weapon technology never keeps pace with... ya know, interstellar travel. Annnnnnd they only seem to have a tank top, cargo pants, and these ugly leather jackets for protection.
It goes without saying that the ship's interior resembles the Nostromo, and the aliens quickly cover it in some mutant membrane, just like in Aliens.
Oh, but of course, these are only somewhat alien, since they're actually mutated crewmembers that get stuck in the head and injected by a flying alien, just like the brain bug in Starship Troopers.
And this whole accident started because these colonists on a planet discovered a giant alien "artifact," and you can't help but think of the alien crashed ship from Alien.
Of course, the Captain of the ship wants to bring the dreaded artifact back to Earth, which the doctor reasons is a somewhat dangerous endeavor, so he ends up killing the captain and trying to scuttle the ship, to prevent the aliens from infecting Earth. Just the same ol "Protect the rest of humanity" cliche we've seen time and time again.
Oh, and the final climax of the movie has the security officer using the emergency airlock to blow a bunch of the things out into space, a la the Alien/Aliens ending.
Have I impressed upon you the magnitude of the "flattery" this animated film engages in?
I almost forgot to mention, but this is probably the goriest bloodiest animated film I've ever seen. One poor lady gets completely chainsawed in half and you get to see her skeleton cross section...
Oh yea! Another cliche I just remembered... they meet this one Indian mystic who joins the survivors and holds off a wave of aliens before being butchered, a la Billy from Predator. And later, another character sacrifices himself by closing the door on the main character after saying "It's been an honor serving with you."
This is ridiculous, I ought to put together a friggin list.
Review: 28 Weeks Later
I just watched this for the first time because Left 4 Dead put me in a zombie movie mood.
And goddamn, what a fucking disappointment. This movie seriously pissed me off. I'm still angry sitting here thinking about it. It had a pretty cool premise, the US army reestablishing a colony on Britain after the infection died off. Unfortunately, the movie is really short, cause we're already at about the halfway mark by the time the infection comes back. That's just not enough, especially since this is a sequel, meaning we're expecting things to be bigger and better. For the most part, this didn't happen. And they had all the ingredients to make a great sequel.
First off, we're supposed to buy that these two dumb kids can sneak out of the safe zone. The level of military incompetence in this movie is truly a wonder to behold, it's fucking everywhere. And seriously, if these kids were real, they wouldn't fucking risk their lives going out to their old house, the area's got damn zombies. I'd be happy to stay in my cozy penthouse or whatever the fuck their dad had going. The girl apparently went back to pack her lame ass shoes or something, dumb.
Then, when they find the infected mom and bring her in, we're supposed to buy that the dad, Mr. Carlyle, has the handy dandy all access keycard and can sneak around like fucking Sam Fisher to get in undetected and see his wife. Again, absolute military idiocy. What kind of military gives a civilian caretaker access to a medical bio hazard quarantine?
So he goes and kisses her all sloppily and gets her saliva, which is icky. Then he gets infected and attacks her. This is odd, because this is the only known case of one infected attacking another infected. In every other instance in the movie, the infected are all running together merrily as one big horde, never attacking each other. How strange.
Later, the military stupidly sticks the civilians all together in one big warehouse for their own safety. And locks it, with one cheap ass padlock. Ok, whatever. However, their brilliant containment plan is somewhat flawed, because this warehouse apparently has a back door which is not locked, and unluckily gets accessed by the infected Mr. Carlyle. Great, all the innocent civilians are locked in a room where they can all get infected together. What the fuck movie? Why do you make yourself so damn stupid and nonsensical?
So everything goes to shit and Doyle the Delta sniper comes to rescue them. Cool, this is getting interesting. But then they run into another army sniper who begins sniping at them. Now, this is where they again lost me. Instead of getting on his radio and saying "Whoa whoa, stop shooting at us, we're not infected!" Doyle shoots the sniper. Wait, what? Would a US army sniper really shoot another US army sniper in cold blood? This didn't make any sense.
Now, there were a few things I liked. One was the helicopter chopping up a bunch of infected with the rotor, that was pretty awesome.
Later on, they get stuck in a car to escape a gas attack. Now, I'm not really sure that getting in a car, closing all the vents and breathing through your T-shirt would really protect you from a gas attack, but we'll let that slide. They see that there are gas mask soldiers coming to torch shit with flamethrowers, and the car won't start. So Doyle decides to get out and push. This leads to him getting burned alive. This was really dumb. Nonsensical. Why didn't he just get out and show the guys with flamethrowers that he wasn't infected? Then he wouldn't have been toasted. Or hell, he could've gotten out and shot them all with his rifle, which he happily did before to the sniper. No logic at all. Just a cheap death to shock the audience, after making us like the guy.
Now we come to the worst part of the movie for me, the nightvision trek through the subway. This was fucking excruciating to watch. Some ppl actually said this was "artistic" but I don't see anything artistic about seeing everything in green night vision while being whirled around like in the Blair Witch Project. I go to the movies to be entertained and this was not entertaining in the least.
This scene also ended a very problematic element of the movie for me, the dad character as some sort of main villain. Sorry, but this whole thing didn't seem like a good idea. I prefer my zombie hordes to be, well, zombie hordes. Just faceless masses of death. The introduction of a boss zombie like the dad was lame and really took away from the sort of realism that the first film achieved, IMO.
So yea, this film was a huge disappointment, since I really liked the first film. While that was dark, this just seemed pointlessly retarded, especially the cheap deaths of some main characters. Left me feeling full of rage, you could say.
And goddamn, what a fucking disappointment. This movie seriously pissed me off. I'm still angry sitting here thinking about it. It had a pretty cool premise, the US army reestablishing a colony on Britain after the infection died off. Unfortunately, the movie is really short, cause we're already at about the halfway mark by the time the infection comes back. That's just not enough, especially since this is a sequel, meaning we're expecting things to be bigger and better. For the most part, this didn't happen. And they had all the ingredients to make a great sequel.
First off, we're supposed to buy that these two dumb kids can sneak out of the safe zone. The level of military incompetence in this movie is truly a wonder to behold, it's fucking everywhere. And seriously, if these kids were real, they wouldn't fucking risk their lives going out to their old house, the area's got damn zombies. I'd be happy to stay in my cozy penthouse or whatever the fuck their dad had going. The girl apparently went back to pack her lame ass shoes or something, dumb.
Then, when they find the infected mom and bring her in, we're supposed to buy that the dad, Mr. Carlyle, has the handy dandy all access keycard and can sneak around like fucking Sam Fisher to get in undetected and see his wife. Again, absolute military idiocy. What kind of military gives a civilian caretaker access to a medical bio hazard quarantine?
So he goes and kisses her all sloppily and gets her saliva, which is icky. Then he gets infected and attacks her. This is odd, because this is the only known case of one infected attacking another infected. In every other instance in the movie, the infected are all running together merrily as one big horde, never attacking each other. How strange.
Later, the military stupidly sticks the civilians all together in one big warehouse for their own safety. And locks it, with one cheap ass padlock. Ok, whatever. However, their brilliant containment plan is somewhat flawed, because this warehouse apparently has a back door which is not locked, and unluckily gets accessed by the infected Mr. Carlyle. Great, all the innocent civilians are locked in a room where they can all get infected together. What the fuck movie? Why do you make yourself so damn stupid and nonsensical?
So everything goes to shit and Doyle the Delta sniper comes to rescue them. Cool, this is getting interesting. But then they run into another army sniper who begins sniping at them. Now, this is where they again lost me. Instead of getting on his radio and saying "Whoa whoa, stop shooting at us, we're not infected!" Doyle shoots the sniper. Wait, what? Would a US army sniper really shoot another US army sniper in cold blood? This didn't make any sense.
Now, there were a few things I liked. One was the helicopter chopping up a bunch of infected with the rotor, that was pretty awesome.
Later on, they get stuck in a car to escape a gas attack. Now, I'm not really sure that getting in a car, closing all the vents and breathing through your T-shirt would really protect you from a gas attack, but we'll let that slide. They see that there are gas mask soldiers coming to torch shit with flamethrowers, and the car won't start. So Doyle decides to get out and push. This leads to him getting burned alive. This was really dumb. Nonsensical. Why didn't he just get out and show the guys with flamethrowers that he wasn't infected? Then he wouldn't have been toasted. Or hell, he could've gotten out and shot them all with his rifle, which he happily did before to the sniper. No logic at all. Just a cheap death to shock the audience, after making us like the guy.
Now we come to the worst part of the movie for me, the nightvision trek through the subway. This was fucking excruciating to watch. Some ppl actually said this was "artistic" but I don't see anything artistic about seeing everything in green night vision while being whirled around like in the Blair Witch Project. I go to the movies to be entertained and this was not entertaining in the least.
This scene also ended a very problematic element of the movie for me, the dad character as some sort of main villain. Sorry, but this whole thing didn't seem like a good idea. I prefer my zombie hordes to be, well, zombie hordes. Just faceless masses of death. The introduction of a boss zombie like the dad was lame and really took away from the sort of realism that the first film achieved, IMO.
So yea, this film was a huge disappointment, since I really liked the first film. While that was dark, this just seemed pointlessly retarded, especially the cheap deaths of some main characters. Left me feeling full of rage, you could say.
ExoSquad is now on Hulu
http://www.hulu.com/exosquad
Exosquad was a very big part of my childhood and an incredibly underrated cartoon show. Ya see, it was one of those early Saturday morning cartoons that I always got up for when I was... oh, about 10 years old.
The basic premise is a scifi setting with a Frankenstein dimension mixed with, well, World War 2. In fact, now that I think about it, it's pretty much the cartoon version of another TV show I really like, Space Above and Beyond.
Take a look if you like war stories with enjoyable characters and long story arcs over several episodes. That's one thing that keeps me from enjoying some shows like DS9 or the new BSG, I can't find any of the characters likable. That's not the same thing as being relateable BTW, I don't need to relate to a character to like him or her.
Exosquad was a very big part of my childhood and an incredibly underrated cartoon show. Ya see, it was one of those early Saturday morning cartoons that I always got up for when I was... oh, about 10 years old.
The basic premise is a scifi setting with a Frankenstein dimension mixed with, well, World War 2. In fact, now that I think about it, it's pretty much the cartoon version of another TV show I really like, Space Above and Beyond.
Take a look if you like war stories with enjoyable characters and long story arcs over several episodes. That's one thing that keeps me from enjoying some shows like DS9 or the new BSG, I can't find any of the characters likable. That's not the same thing as being relateable BTW, I don't need to relate to a character to like him or her.
Some Game Reviews
Here's my thoughts on some recent games I've been playing.
Red Alert 3: 3/5 stars
Ok, so I obtained this... it's ok. Not the sort of amazing experience like Company of Heroes or Sins of a Solar Empire. It feels just as wacky as the other Red Alerts, the movie cinematics are definitely the strongest selling point for this game. I couldn't help but feel very cramped and claustrophobic with the camera, I kept trying to scroll my mouse so it would zoom out, but no dice. That's kinda a personal preference though, so you guys might not mind.
The other thing that I noticed is that this game seems to have very hard counters. For example, you might be used to say, Company of Heroes where you can use a tank and pretty much throw it at the enemy without much worry. However in RA3, if you use the wrong unit against an enemy unit, you're gonna get your ass waxed very quickly. Something that's compounded by the fact that there isn't much real estate to work with on the maps. I found the units very big and hard to manuever around all the buildings sometimes. This only compounded the feeling of being cramped.
The co-op feature in single player isn't very interesting, you just get an AI teammate that has his own base and units following you around and helping a little. Nothing ground breaking.
For me, it's an average RTS. RA fans will like it, but the gameplay really isn't as fun as the cinematics, they're the best part of the game.
Far Cry 2: 4/5 stars
No prone option, seems pretty weird. Crysis had a prone position, and that game had you as an elite Delta Force guy in an uber nanosuit with a magical armor shield, as opposed to being a malaria patient wearing a hawaiian shirt.
This game runs fucking awesome. I have to turn everything to Low to make Crysis playable, whereas here I can run pretty much everything on medium with 2x AA with silky smooth framerates. Definitely impressed, and while it doesn't quite look as amazing as Crysis, it's still pretty good. Think COD4 quality, or a notch above. Of course, COD4 didn't portray 50 square miles of terrain.
I was kinda disappointed by the weapon selection, just judging by the upgrade menu. Hopefully more guns'll get added to the list throughout the campaign, otherwise the selection isn't very impressive at all.
Another thing I noticed is that to use the weapon sights, you have to hold down the right mouse button, it doesn't work as a toggle like in other games. A little miffed by that at first, but you do get used to it. Not a gamebreaker.
Does anyone else feel the mouse sensitivity for the game menus is way too low? Just a minor nitpick of mine.
So far, it seems pretty easy, and I'm playing it on Hardcore. Maybe this is why they didn't feel a prone position was necessary? A bullet will take from 10-15% of my health. Hardly a Tom Clancy feel, so don't expect that. Infamous is another notch above, so you'll maybe want to try that for a bigger challenge. *shrug*
I've already talked about the weapon selection, but here's a bit more detail. There's 4 weapon slots, one for your machete, one for a primary weapon, one for a secondary weapon, and one for a special weapon. A primary weapon counts as shotguns, rifles, sniper rifles, and a grenade launcher. A secondary weapon counts as pistols, or machine pistols. A special weapon would be a machine gun, rocket launcher, or flame thrower. This seems alright, but is actually quite problematic with its restrictions. Because of the slots, no sane player will ever use a shotgun, since it counts as a primary and thus would take over the slot for rifles or sniper rifles, which are far more useful on the wide open African savannah. This is in contrast with Crysis, in which the best combo was often a sniper rifle coupled with a shotgun. In FC2, this combo is impossible, and thus the grenade launcher and shotguns must be neglected, which is a shame. Speaking of the lack of variety compared to a Rainbow Six game, there're only 3 shotguns, 3 assault rifles, a submachine gun, a grenade launcher, and 3 sniper rifles to choose from for the primary slot.
Another annoyance is the fact that throughout the landscape are various checkpoints manned by enemies. Clearing these checkpoints are pretty easy, but the problem is that they are quickly remanned as soon as you leave the area. With all the various traveling you must do in the game, it quickly becomes tedious reclearing the same checkpoints over and over again.
So far, I've been having fun sniping everything in sight. Though many tempting sniping spots are unfortunately out of reach due to the terrain being too steep to climb.
Oh yea... I did notice something really cool while playing earlier today. I'd sniped some guy in the chest but it wasn't a fatal shot so he staggered and fell down. A little later he got up to a crouch and a second enemy ran over and gave him a piggyback ride. No, I'm not kidding. Just thought that was pretty damn awesome.
Sins of a Solar Empire: 5/5 stars
This game kicks ass. It's pretty much a combination of Homeworld 2 and any regular 4X space empire game. You could also see it as a space version of Supreme Commander, it's goddamn epic. Like, battles with fleets of over 200 ships.
Plus, there's absolutely no DRM, if you know what I mean.
While I describe it as Supreme Commander in Space, Sins has a much better UI. Supreme Commander wasn't all that great IMO because the pacing was slow as hell and you had to individually upgrade all the tiny little resource poiints which really got annoying. You also do a lot of teching in Sins but it's all very easy and intuitive, without feeling like a chore.
The only thing this game lacks is a singleplayer campaign with a storyline, but the open sandbox levels do an adequate job.
Crysis Warhead: 4/5 stars
It's really fun, but pretty short. Overall, this game is more of an expansion pack then a sequel so don't expect too much.
My favorite loadout was the gauss rifle/shotgun. Perfect for sniping at long range and then ambushing from cloak mode with the shottie. But when I didn't have the ammo, I'd use the precision rifle/FY-17.
The minigun APC is insanely fun, as long as you stay at long range and shower your targets with the minigun. It's really inaccurate but so damn powerful it doesn't matter.
My only complaint is that the normal Korean soldiers can take insane amounts of damage. I mean, the elite nanosuit guys are durable, that's fine... but even the regular cannon fodder guys need multiple shots for some reason.
Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare: 3/5 stars
This game actually blows ass. I tried it on the hardest difficulty setting and it wasn't bad, until I got to the TV station. WTF? Infinite respawning enemies, who spam grenades at you every 5 seconds. Why should I try and play it realistically when you give me no cover system and infinite enemies magically coming out of a door. Fuck you Infinity Ward and the half-track you rode in on.
I changed it to normal difficulty and now I can play it without getting the urge to punch my monitor.
And for a game that's supposed to be about modern warfare, there's no rate of fire selector or any ability to customize your weapon accessories. Crysis had those, and that's a game with fucking giant robot squids.
So yea, I'm not sure why everyone called it the best game ever. The presentation looks nice at first, but there's a lot that's fucking retarded, and you'd think they'd have fixed their shit since this is the FOURTH fucking game in the series.
Red Alert 3: 3/5 stars
Ok, so I obtained this... it's ok. Not the sort of amazing experience like Company of Heroes or Sins of a Solar Empire. It feels just as wacky as the other Red Alerts, the movie cinematics are definitely the strongest selling point for this game. I couldn't help but feel very cramped and claustrophobic with the camera, I kept trying to scroll my mouse so it would zoom out, but no dice. That's kinda a personal preference though, so you guys might not mind.
The other thing that I noticed is that this game seems to have very hard counters. For example, you might be used to say, Company of Heroes where you can use a tank and pretty much throw it at the enemy without much worry. However in RA3, if you use the wrong unit against an enemy unit, you're gonna get your ass waxed very quickly. Something that's compounded by the fact that there isn't much real estate to work with on the maps. I found the units very big and hard to manuever around all the buildings sometimes. This only compounded the feeling of being cramped.
The co-op feature in single player isn't very interesting, you just get an AI teammate that has his own base and units following you around and helping a little. Nothing ground breaking.
For me, it's an average RTS. RA fans will like it, but the gameplay really isn't as fun as the cinematics, they're the best part of the game.
Far Cry 2: 4/5 stars
No prone option, seems pretty weird. Crysis had a prone position, and that game had you as an elite Delta Force guy in an uber nanosuit with a magical armor shield, as opposed to being a malaria patient wearing a hawaiian shirt.
This game runs fucking awesome. I have to turn everything to Low to make Crysis playable, whereas here I can run pretty much everything on medium with 2x AA with silky smooth framerates. Definitely impressed, and while it doesn't quite look as amazing as Crysis, it's still pretty good. Think COD4 quality, or a notch above. Of course, COD4 didn't portray 50 square miles of terrain.
I was kinda disappointed by the weapon selection, just judging by the upgrade menu. Hopefully more guns'll get added to the list throughout the campaign, otherwise the selection isn't very impressive at all.
Another thing I noticed is that to use the weapon sights, you have to hold down the right mouse button, it doesn't work as a toggle like in other games. A little miffed by that at first, but you do get used to it. Not a gamebreaker.
Does anyone else feel the mouse sensitivity for the game menus is way too low? Just a minor nitpick of mine.
So far, it seems pretty easy, and I'm playing it on Hardcore. Maybe this is why they didn't feel a prone position was necessary? A bullet will take from 10-15% of my health. Hardly a Tom Clancy feel, so don't expect that. Infamous is another notch above, so you'll maybe want to try that for a bigger challenge. *shrug*
I've already talked about the weapon selection, but here's a bit more detail. There's 4 weapon slots, one for your machete, one for a primary weapon, one for a secondary weapon, and one for a special weapon. A primary weapon counts as shotguns, rifles, sniper rifles, and a grenade launcher. A secondary weapon counts as pistols, or machine pistols. A special weapon would be a machine gun, rocket launcher, or flame thrower. This seems alright, but is actually quite problematic with its restrictions. Because of the slots, no sane player will ever use a shotgun, since it counts as a primary and thus would take over the slot for rifles or sniper rifles, which are far more useful on the wide open African savannah. This is in contrast with Crysis, in which the best combo was often a sniper rifle coupled with a shotgun. In FC2, this combo is impossible, and thus the grenade launcher and shotguns must be neglected, which is a shame. Speaking of the lack of variety compared to a Rainbow Six game, there're only 3 shotguns, 3 assault rifles, a submachine gun, a grenade launcher, and 3 sniper rifles to choose from for the primary slot.
Another annoyance is the fact that throughout the landscape are various checkpoints manned by enemies. Clearing these checkpoints are pretty easy, but the problem is that they are quickly remanned as soon as you leave the area. With all the various traveling you must do in the game, it quickly becomes tedious reclearing the same checkpoints over and over again.
So far, I've been having fun sniping everything in sight. Though many tempting sniping spots are unfortunately out of reach due to the terrain being too steep to climb.
Oh yea... I did notice something really cool while playing earlier today. I'd sniped some guy in the chest but it wasn't a fatal shot so he staggered and fell down. A little later he got up to a crouch and a second enemy ran over and gave him a piggyback ride. No, I'm not kidding. Just thought that was pretty damn awesome.
Sins of a Solar Empire: 5/5 stars
This game kicks ass. It's pretty much a combination of Homeworld 2 and any regular 4X space empire game. You could also see it as a space version of Supreme Commander, it's goddamn epic. Like, battles with fleets of over 200 ships.
Plus, there's absolutely no DRM, if you know what I mean.
While I describe it as Supreme Commander in Space, Sins has a much better UI. Supreme Commander wasn't all that great IMO because the pacing was slow as hell and you had to individually upgrade all the tiny little resource poiints which really got annoying. You also do a lot of teching in Sins but it's all very easy and intuitive, without feeling like a chore.
The only thing this game lacks is a singleplayer campaign with a storyline, but the open sandbox levels do an adequate job.
Crysis Warhead: 4/5 stars
It's really fun, but pretty short. Overall, this game is more of an expansion pack then a sequel so don't expect too much.
My favorite loadout was the gauss rifle/shotgun. Perfect for sniping at long range and then ambushing from cloak mode with the shottie. But when I didn't have the ammo, I'd use the precision rifle/FY-17.
The minigun APC is insanely fun, as long as you stay at long range and shower your targets with the minigun. It's really inaccurate but so damn powerful it doesn't matter.
My only complaint is that the normal Korean soldiers can take insane amounts of damage. I mean, the elite nanosuit guys are durable, that's fine... but even the regular cannon fodder guys need multiple shots for some reason.
Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare: 3/5 stars
This game actually blows ass. I tried it on the hardest difficulty setting and it wasn't bad, until I got to the TV station. WTF? Infinite respawning enemies, who spam grenades at you every 5 seconds. Why should I try and play it realistically when you give me no cover system and infinite enemies magically coming out of a door. Fuck you Infinity Ward and the half-track you rode in on.
I changed it to normal difficulty and now I can play it without getting the urge to punch my monitor.
And for a game that's supposed to be about modern warfare, there's no rate of fire selector or any ability to customize your weapon accessories. Crysis had those, and that's a game with fucking giant robot squids.
So yea, I'm not sure why everyone called it the best game ever. The presentation looks nice at first, but there's a lot that's fucking retarded, and you'd think they'd have fixed their shit since this is the FOURTH fucking game in the series.
Double Standards Regarding Sexual Ambiguity.
Ok, so apparently this news article pops up recently about Megan Fox, she of the uber hot bod in Transformers. They interview her and she explains that she used to have a... relationship with some female stripper named Nikita when she was 18. Like, sending her gifts and other shit. Wow.
Then Ms. Fox says in the article that she does not consider herself a lesbian. WTF? Now, I'm trying to keep an open mind here, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. If she had said she'd just kissed this stripper one time, well then maybe that wouldn't be lesbianism. Sure, it'd just be a lil experimentation in one's youth. But when you actually have a relationship and send gifts in a romantic fashion... I'm pretty sure you're a lesbian.
Ya know what? Think about what I just said. If you kiss a member of the same sex, it's only experimentation. Yet, if two guys were to kiss, would most ppl consider that experimentation? Fuck no, they'd be called flaming homos right off the bat. "Yea, those two dudes John and Mike had a kiss on the football field this morning, but don't worry, they're just experimenting, they're not gay." Would anyone seriously buy that? Fuck no, and that's a horrible double standard.
So yea... apparently Megan Fox is bi or something. I dunno, just an interesting tidbit of news.
Then Ms. Fox says in the article that she does not consider herself a lesbian. WTF? Now, I'm trying to keep an open mind here, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. If she had said she'd just kissed this stripper one time, well then maybe that wouldn't be lesbianism. Sure, it'd just be a lil experimentation in one's youth. But when you actually have a relationship and send gifts in a romantic fashion... I'm pretty sure you're a lesbian.
Ya know what? Think about what I just said. If you kiss a member of the same sex, it's only experimentation. Yet, if two guys were to kiss, would most ppl consider that experimentation? Fuck no, they'd be called flaming homos right off the bat. "Yea, those two dudes John and Mike had a kiss on the football field this morning, but don't worry, they're just experimenting, they're not gay." Would anyone seriously buy that? Fuck no, and that's a horrible double standard.
So yea... apparently Megan Fox is bi or something. I dunno, just an interesting tidbit of news.
My Favorite PC Games of All Time
Since I've been posting my thoughts like a nonstop stream of verbal ejaculate tonight, here's my list of all time favorite computer games. Notice I didn't say video games, since I absolutely can't stand consoles. Fucking gamepads can't compare to a mouse and keyboard. Oh, and WoW doesn't count, I can't really classify it with my others, since it's an MMO. So yea, enjoy. I certainly did.
1. DooM - id software
This is the one that started it all. Well, not technically, cause id software actually started the First Person Shooter genre with their nearly as good Wolfenstein 3D. But uh, this was the big one. The one that truly changed the landscape and broke the boundaries. Taking the initial gameplay of W3D, id elevated it to a new level, literally, with elevated level design and way more colorful backgrounds. From a ravaged Mars base to the bowels of Hell itself, Doom was an exhilerating experience back in the good ol days of 1994. Nothing like it had ever been seen before, and pumping a shotgun shell into a demonic hellspawn for the first time was a truly empowering moment.
Has the first person shooter genre moved beyond the corridor crawls of Doom and its many clones? Well... yes, it's number one for nostalgic reasons, but history must be respected. They're the foundation for what we have now, and should be appreciated. There aren't enough adjectives to describe everything Doom made me feel when I played it, but this landmark in computer gaming is one four letter word that cannot be tossed around lightly.
2. Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six/Rogue Spear - Red Storm Entertainment
As much as Doom was my gateway into computer games and its rich potential, Rainbow Six and its sequel Rogue Spear was my meat and potatoes. Back when I actually had a subscription to a gaming magazine (God, those were the days...) this preview for a game based on a Tom Clancy novel immediately caught my attention. I had gotten plenty bored of Quake 2 and was restless for something different and unique. The ultra-realistic gameplay of Rainbow Six fit to a T. Still, my computer at that time was unable to meet the minimum requirements for R6, so it would take a couple months before I actually got into it. But get into it I did, with a passion that now seems somewhat inhuman. I lovingly outfitted each operative with different weapons, carefully mapped out their mission routes and held my breath as they soldiered out to take down the terrorists and rescue the hapless hostages. Of course, on more then one occasion the entire operation would turn into a fiasco with multiple casualties and hostages gunned down. Alas, back to the drawing board.
But multiplayer was where Rainbow Six really shined. Freed of the cumbersome AI, it was amazing to encounter a situation where you could be taken out by the opposing team in just one or two bullets. The added lethality of the weapons and the reduced margin of error made for the most amazingly tense multiplayer matches ever. Rogue Spear, the sequel which I bought on opening day was much more of the same. I have to be honest, Rogue Spear multiplayer devoured my life throughout 4 years of high school and doubtless contributed to the fact that my GPA suffered and I never had a girlfriend. Oh well, it seemed worth it, that's just how obsessed I was with the game. Even outside the game itself, I posted frequently on RSE's (the maker of R6) forums and made quite a few memorable friends, who later formed their own personal forum at planb3.com. Rainbow Six is truly an immense chunk of my life and I have nothing but fond memories to look back on.
3. Freespace 2 - Volition
A commercial product lovingly crafted with care and detail. A scifi story epic in scope and layered with mysteries. An instant classic with legions of diehard fans in a niche genre. Boy, they don't make em like this anymore. All these sentences describe Volition's much beloved Freespace 2. Not to be confused with the partitioning utility software, FS2 is a scifi space simulation which deals with an alien threat to humanity out among the stars. Sound cliched? Yes, it is. But combine the best aspects of space sims (Wing Commander/TIE Fighter) and polish it until it gleams with radiant storytelling and space environments, and you've got this treasured masterpiece.
The first Freespace got everything pretty much right, but Volition outdid themselves on their second outing. Introducing dense nebulas to their already painterly regular space environs, the cosmic ether is a wonderful place to fight in. The pace of the game is leisurely at the beginning, but quickly ramps up to a deadly tempo as you fight to save humans and their Vasudan allies from the return of the Shivans, the antagonists of the first game. And boy, they return with a vengeance. Don't be comfortable now that mankind's built a huge new capital ship named the GTVA Colossus, the Shivans can more then match it. The twists and turns in the narrative are never anything less then captivating, and the entire game does everything to make you feel apart of an epic struggle betwen spacefaring civilizations. In the end, questions will linger, which unfortunately must remain unanswered as it doesn't look like we'll ever get a Freespace 3 due to poor sales of FS2. One of the greatest injustices in history.
4. Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Chaos Theory - Ubisoft
Yes yes, another Tom Clancy game. What can I say, I've got a hardon for this particular brand of realistic gameplay. Also why I find Counter-Strike such a disappointing and disgusting phenomenon. Ah well, back to Sam Fisher. Splinter Cell was one of the greats, and why it isn't on this list is simply because Chaos Theory, the third one in the series, just takes everything from Splinter Cell and makes it better. Better weapon mechanics, better graphics, better lighting, better enemy AI, better level design, and holy shit they added a knife for Sam! Truly, the most important addition to any series, ever. Slicing someone's throat open from the side with it is one of the most satisfying moves in gaming.
Chaos Theory is also superior in its addition of a fantastic co-op mode online. Instead of sneaking around by yourself, you could actually sneak around and perform stealth knockouts with a teammate. While limited to four levels, it was not a thoughtless addition and provided some genuinely exciting and tense action. While not anywhere near as cinematic or annoyingly labored with its storytelling as the Metal Gear Series, Splinter Cell is the superior stealth genre series in my humble opinion. PS: don't get SC Double Agent, it's a buggy mess on the PC.
5. MechWarrior 2 - Activision
I must be honest and open. BattleTech is my favorite fictional universe, bar none. While I am also a huge Star Trek fan, my first love has always been BattleTech. I can still remember walking into a game store in my wee youth and stumbling into the back, where I laid eyes on a 3025 Technical Readout, the one with the Marauder on the front. Sure didn't know it at the time, but I would end up collecting a large part of that universe's books over the years. I actually paid 144 dollars for a vinyl model of a Timber Wolf and have it sitting on my shelf. This universe obviously means a great deal to me. And the closest gaming portrayal of the BattleTech universe is the classic MechWarrior 2. The Clans are my favorite faction in BattleTech, so to be able to immerse myself in Clan Jade Falcon or Clan Wolf was incredibly enjoyable. Plus, the completely open weapon loadout customization and just the well thought out gameplay mechanics make the actual game a joy to pilot. The fluff of the universe is simply icing on the cake for a simulation which portrays 20-100 ton walking machines of warfare. Another classic which you can't really get to play on Windows XP or Vista these days, but what memories!
6. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic - LucasArts
The very first RPG I ever played. And goddamn, couldn't have started off on a better foot. This is sorta like deciding to watch your very first superhero movie and picking The Dark Knight. Everything that comes after just seems like a letdown. That's kinda how I feel about KOTOR. And you've gotta know this about me, I fucking hate Star Wars. Never been fond of it. But this game... this story just sucked me in and never let go. I absolutely had to keep playing to find out what was going to happen to these characters I'd become attached to. To do this to me, someone who had never played RPGs, didn't like em, and had no interest in Star Wars either, well... that's just about the highest compliment I think I can give. Too bad its sequel couldn't match the great story of the first one. But alas, lightning in a bottle only happens every once in a while.
Honorable Mentions:
Dawn of War - Never liked Starcraft. But played the hell out of this
Max Payne 2 - Bullet time physics never felt so fun.
Quake - Another classic of the genre, paved the way for shitloads of mods
TIE Fighter - Without this triumph, we would never have gotten Freespace 2
1. DooM - id software
This is the one that started it all. Well, not technically, cause id software actually started the First Person Shooter genre with their nearly as good Wolfenstein 3D. But uh, this was the big one. The one that truly changed the landscape and broke the boundaries. Taking the initial gameplay of W3D, id elevated it to a new level, literally, with elevated level design and way more colorful backgrounds. From a ravaged Mars base to the bowels of Hell itself, Doom was an exhilerating experience back in the good ol days of 1994. Nothing like it had ever been seen before, and pumping a shotgun shell into a demonic hellspawn for the first time was a truly empowering moment.
Has the first person shooter genre moved beyond the corridor crawls of Doom and its many clones? Well... yes, it's number one for nostalgic reasons, but history must be respected. They're the foundation for what we have now, and should be appreciated. There aren't enough adjectives to describe everything Doom made me feel when I played it, but this landmark in computer gaming is one four letter word that cannot be tossed around lightly.
2. Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six/Rogue Spear - Red Storm Entertainment
As much as Doom was my gateway into computer games and its rich potential, Rainbow Six and its sequel Rogue Spear was my meat and potatoes. Back when I actually had a subscription to a gaming magazine (God, those were the days...) this preview for a game based on a Tom Clancy novel immediately caught my attention. I had gotten plenty bored of Quake 2 and was restless for something different and unique. The ultra-realistic gameplay of Rainbow Six fit to a T. Still, my computer at that time was unable to meet the minimum requirements for R6, so it would take a couple months before I actually got into it. But get into it I did, with a passion that now seems somewhat inhuman. I lovingly outfitted each operative with different weapons, carefully mapped out their mission routes and held my breath as they soldiered out to take down the terrorists and rescue the hapless hostages. Of course, on more then one occasion the entire operation would turn into a fiasco with multiple casualties and hostages gunned down. Alas, back to the drawing board.
But multiplayer was where Rainbow Six really shined. Freed of the cumbersome AI, it was amazing to encounter a situation where you could be taken out by the opposing team in just one or two bullets. The added lethality of the weapons and the reduced margin of error made for the most amazingly tense multiplayer matches ever. Rogue Spear, the sequel which I bought on opening day was much more of the same. I have to be honest, Rogue Spear multiplayer devoured my life throughout 4 years of high school and doubtless contributed to the fact that my GPA suffered and I never had a girlfriend. Oh well, it seemed worth it, that's just how obsessed I was with the game. Even outside the game itself, I posted frequently on RSE's (the maker of R6) forums and made quite a few memorable friends, who later formed their own personal forum at planb3.com. Rainbow Six is truly an immense chunk of my life and I have nothing but fond memories to look back on.
3. Freespace 2 - Volition
A commercial product lovingly crafted with care and detail. A scifi story epic in scope and layered with mysteries. An instant classic with legions of diehard fans in a niche genre. Boy, they don't make em like this anymore. All these sentences describe Volition's much beloved Freespace 2. Not to be confused with the partitioning utility software, FS2 is a scifi space simulation which deals with an alien threat to humanity out among the stars. Sound cliched? Yes, it is. But combine the best aspects of space sims (Wing Commander/TIE Fighter) and polish it until it gleams with radiant storytelling and space environments, and you've got this treasured masterpiece.
The first Freespace got everything pretty much right, but Volition outdid themselves on their second outing. Introducing dense nebulas to their already painterly regular space environs, the cosmic ether is a wonderful place to fight in. The pace of the game is leisurely at the beginning, but quickly ramps up to a deadly tempo as you fight to save humans and their Vasudan allies from the return of the Shivans, the antagonists of the first game. And boy, they return with a vengeance. Don't be comfortable now that mankind's built a huge new capital ship named the GTVA Colossus, the Shivans can more then match it. The twists and turns in the narrative are never anything less then captivating, and the entire game does everything to make you feel apart of an epic struggle betwen spacefaring civilizations. In the end, questions will linger, which unfortunately must remain unanswered as it doesn't look like we'll ever get a Freespace 3 due to poor sales of FS2. One of the greatest injustices in history.
4. Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Chaos Theory - Ubisoft
Yes yes, another Tom Clancy game. What can I say, I've got a hardon for this particular brand of realistic gameplay. Also why I find Counter-Strike such a disappointing and disgusting phenomenon. Ah well, back to Sam Fisher. Splinter Cell was one of the greats, and why it isn't on this list is simply because Chaos Theory, the third one in the series, just takes everything from Splinter Cell and makes it better. Better weapon mechanics, better graphics, better lighting, better enemy AI, better level design, and holy shit they added a knife for Sam! Truly, the most important addition to any series, ever. Slicing someone's throat open from the side with it is one of the most satisfying moves in gaming.
Chaos Theory is also superior in its addition of a fantastic co-op mode online. Instead of sneaking around by yourself, you could actually sneak around and perform stealth knockouts with a teammate. While limited to four levels, it was not a thoughtless addition and provided some genuinely exciting and tense action. While not anywhere near as cinematic or annoyingly labored with its storytelling as the Metal Gear Series, Splinter Cell is the superior stealth genre series in my humble opinion. PS: don't get SC Double Agent, it's a buggy mess on the PC.
5. MechWarrior 2 - Activision
I must be honest and open. BattleTech is my favorite fictional universe, bar none. While I am also a huge Star Trek fan, my first love has always been BattleTech. I can still remember walking into a game store in my wee youth and stumbling into the back, where I laid eyes on a 3025 Technical Readout, the one with the Marauder on the front. Sure didn't know it at the time, but I would end up collecting a large part of that universe's books over the years. I actually paid 144 dollars for a vinyl model of a Timber Wolf and have it sitting on my shelf. This universe obviously means a great deal to me. And the closest gaming portrayal of the BattleTech universe is the classic MechWarrior 2. The Clans are my favorite faction in BattleTech, so to be able to immerse myself in Clan Jade Falcon or Clan Wolf was incredibly enjoyable. Plus, the completely open weapon loadout customization and just the well thought out gameplay mechanics make the actual game a joy to pilot. The fluff of the universe is simply icing on the cake for a simulation which portrays 20-100 ton walking machines of warfare. Another classic which you can't really get to play on Windows XP or Vista these days, but what memories!
6. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic - LucasArts
The very first RPG I ever played. And goddamn, couldn't have started off on a better foot. This is sorta like deciding to watch your very first superhero movie and picking The Dark Knight. Everything that comes after just seems like a letdown. That's kinda how I feel about KOTOR. And you've gotta know this about me, I fucking hate Star Wars. Never been fond of it. But this game... this story just sucked me in and never let go. I absolutely had to keep playing to find out what was going to happen to these characters I'd become attached to. To do this to me, someone who had never played RPGs, didn't like em, and had no interest in Star Wars either, well... that's just about the highest compliment I think I can give. Too bad its sequel couldn't match the great story of the first one. But alas, lightning in a bottle only happens every once in a while.
Honorable Mentions:
Dawn of War - Never liked Starcraft. But played the hell out of this
Max Payne 2 - Bullet time physics never felt so fun.
Quake - Another classic of the genre, paved the way for shitloads of mods
TIE Fighter - Without this triumph, we would never have gotten Freespace 2
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