Warhammer 40k Space Marine! Wait, it's console only... WTF?!

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IGN's pre-E3 reveal of Warhammer 40k Space Marine

That old tech demo was kinda funny with the PR guy's overuse of "cinemaction", but it looked pretty impressive in most other aspects. And now Relic's doing it? This is now my most wanted game.

Well, tied with AvP 3, at least.

Though... when you think about it for a sec, the naming for these games is a bit lackadaisical. First "Warhammer 40k: Fire Warrior", and now "Warhammer 40k: Space Marine"? Couldn't they have thought up something a bit more memorable and less uh... obvious and perfunctory?

Anyone else just realize that that cover art is all wrong? Everybody knows that SM squad leaders don't wear helmets. They're just so darn tough they don't even fear headshots. So um, just watched the video... almost had an orgasm. They took everything cool about DoW's sync kills and stuck em all into this game, apparently. Also, did anyone else think that the Orbital Bombardment there was a little more powerful then the one in DoW 2?

Oh, and of course... if this is only coming to consoles, I will murder someone. I really will. But Relic wouldn't do something like that. I still have faith in the God Emperor.

Wait... lemme see...

"this time only for Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3."



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I am going to kill somebody.

Someone stop me, I'm going to go on a murderous rampage.

*cries*

I swear to God... if this really is console-exclusive, I'm never buying another Relic game.

Why do I feel this way? Like I've been stabbed in the back? Betrayed, perhaps?

Well, when you're known for a long line of PC RTSs, with several of them being in the friggin Warhammer 40k universe... making a new Warhammer 40k game that's console-only is kinda lame. I mean, what's is Relic known for? Homeworld, Homeworld 2, Dawn of War, Company of Heroes, and Dawn of War 2. All PC exclusive games. And now this? Way to spit on your fans, Relic.

See, I'm fine with them expanding player interest in their franchise. I'd be fine with DoW 2 getting ported to consoles. I don't have a problem with Relic turning away from the RTS genre to make a sort of third person action RPG/shooter. I'm not saying people with consoles shouldn't be able to play this game. What I'm saying is that people with PCs should be able to play this game. Relic should release this for the PC, seeing as how it made its entire reputation and fanbase from PC games. Building up a sterling reputation on the backs of PC gamers and then completely abandoning them with a console-only game is heinous.

But hey, prove me wrong. Maybe there will be a PC port. *shrug*

Why do people still use the marketing phrase "Next Gen"?

So... this term "next gen." Isn't this basically something a marketing shill at Microsoft or Sony thought up, and then everybody working in the gaming industry kinda picked up and started using because well, they're amicable folk and somewhat relegated to accepting whatever tripe they're fed? Something like that, I think. Cause it's not a term I ever used. It sounds unnatural. I mean, every new generation is technically the next generation. So the N64 used to be next gen, when people played on SNES. But who the hell ever called their N64 a next gen console? With next gen graphics?

Now we come to the 360 and PS3. How the fuck can people still refer to them as next gen consoles? Last time I checked, the Xbox 360 and PS3 have been out for years and years. That would make them this current generation. They are not next gen. Next gen implies that they are in the future. Like hey, we're stuck in the 23rd century, and Harry Mudd is trying to sell me tribbles. Boy, I wish we could travel to the 24th century, when Klingons are actually our friends. I bet that would be The Next Generation. Boy howdy, that would be something to look forward to, right? Something out there... in the distance. The future. Not something we have right now.

Start calling your 360s and PS3s current gen consoles, it makes a lot more sense.

Pondering the faults of Crysis

Some people have stated that they find themselves rather weak and the suit powers lacking in Crysis. I think there are other factors then just the limitations of the suit powers that make you feel relatively underpowered. For example, one biggy I always think of is the fact that the Koreans are insanely armored. They don't wear nanosuits, but their armor vests are crazy good at stopping bullets. Even landing a headshot doesn't work unless you shoot their exposed face, their damn helmet will deflect a bullet. Really frustrating sometimes. I think if they had lowered the toughness of the Korean soldiers, you would feel a lot more powerful. Cause sure, cloak would still only last 5 seconds, but it wouldn't matter if you could drop a Korean in one burst to the torso.

Having to go for headshots was tolerable from a gameplay standpoint, sure. But as far as suspension of disbelief... I dunno, it was strange. Here I'm a Delta Force soldier equipped with the latest and greatest R&D armor, with friggin nanites and all... giving me rather outlandish powers and protection in this near-future setting... yet I'm still using guns that seem pretty weak and old-fashioned? Well okay, not the gauss rifle, that was awesome... but the regular assault rifle you're given is pretty ineffective against these Koreans. It's this strange disconnect. On one hand your armor is amazing and sci-fi, but you use a gun that seems to be no more powerful then an M-16. Oh wait, it can hold 10 more rounds in the magazine. Big whoop.

Actually, around the middle of the game, I think I threw away the assault rifle entirely and just kept a loadout of the shotgun and a sniper rifle. You get the best of both worlds... long range sniper kills and then close range one shot kills with cloak.

I had the same problem with Halo. You're given this insanely powerful power armor, with force shielding and everything... and yet you're running around with an assault rifle that seems about the same as a standard NATO 5.56mm rifle... sniping with a sniper rifle that doesn't seem all that different from a Barret .50 cal sniper rifle... it's like "What gives, guys?"

Why I Hate Anime Part 1: Gundam

Part 1 in a series of meditative thoughts about why I despise and loathe anime. This particular post is gonna focus on one of the biggest symbols of anime: Gundam.

So uh... I guess George Lucas doesn't care about people in Japan ripping off his Star Wars stuff? Cause aren't those light sabers the Gundams are using? Isn't that what it is, an energy sword type of weapon? Did Gundam pay for the rights to use light sabers from Star Wars? I kinda doubt it. Mind you, I don't like Star Wars... but that doesn't mean that ripping em off is okay. It's like you get two turds for the price of one.

And why does a Gundam always look like a giant robot stylized in samurai armor? If it's the future, why would the giant robot have to look that way? Some scientists finally made the breakthrough that allowed giant mechs to be a reality, and they all gathered around and decided that the samurai armor look was the obvious way to go? There's no other form that a giant advanced robotic fighting machine can take, they have to look like ancient Samurai warriors? I mean, they've got that samurai crest sorta spikey thing on top of the helmet, there's the actual helmet... and then you've got the two weird notches in the nose and the giant red clit for a chin. Why would you have these two random notches in the nose area? What does that do? Why do all Gundams have those two notches on the nose area? Someone explain this to me. And why a red chin? Why do Gundam always have that red chin that protrudes down? What technology requires a red chin that sorta pokes out of the face of the mech? Why this particular arrangement that's supposed to resemble a face? It doesn't matter, the pilot of the damn Gundam doesn't even sit in the head, he's sitting down in the torso. So why the two yellow eyes? Why the crest on top of the helmet? Why do they do this? And what's up with the shield? It doesn't cover much of the giant robot, it doesn't seem to be used at all... what's it doing? Why is there a giant star on the side of it? Does the giant yellow star provide some sort of technological boost?

And how about the name Gundam? What does Gundam even mean? Is it a combination of the words "gun" and "dam?" Cause Gundams do hold guns. Oftentimes, they'll be ridiculously long guns. Kinda unwieldy. But they do use guns. But what about dam? Are there any dams involved with Gundams? No, not really? Then what does Gundam mean? Why are they called Gundams instead of, say... Giant Samurai Robots? What's the meaning of Gundam? Does it have any meaning? I dunno, it's all very vague. They're just called Gundams because... they are. Even though guns and dams aren't generally associated with one another.

How come the hero of these weird Gundam animes is always some 14 or 15 year old boy? How does that make any sense? Why would you draft 15 year old boys into your army and allow them to pilot your best vehicles? That doesn't make any sense. We don't let 15 year old boys fly F22 Raptors. It's stupid. Although, at least in what I could see of this series, the 15 year old protagonist wasn't an effeminate-looking boy. Ya know, so many of these anime protagonists are rather effeminate. Kinda gender-confused. So that's a little different from other animes. He just has some weirdass hair.

So... their ship is called White Base? First of all, that is a really weak name. Why would anyone name anything White Base? That's the blandest fucking name ever. And furthermore, it's not even a base, it's a ship. Why would a ship be called White Base? I guess the ship is white, but shouldn't you call it something interesting and naval, like Enterprise or Excelsior? Why call it a White Base? A base is usually some sort of building on the ground. Even if it was a building, nobody in their right mind would just name it White Base. To call a giant battleship White Base is staggeringly unimaginative and lame. And the space station is named Side 7? Is this the 7th in the Side series of stations? Why the fuck would any space station be called Side 7? That is the most retarded name for a space station I have ever heard. I mean, Deep Space Nine is a pretty terrible name, but ya know what... it's light years beyond the idiotic naming schemes in Gundam.

Rambal Ral? Amuro Ray? Fraw Bow? Who the hell came up with these names? Why would anyone think to name characters like this? How can you take anything seriously when you see that their name is Rambal Ral? Wtf? Is this on purpose? Did the creative directors of the Gundam franchise intentionally come up with batshit insane names for the characters to... I dunno, show that in the future, people like really bizarre names? Is that their master stroke? It's uh... it's pretty bold.

So basically... Gundam is complete bullshit. It's uh... so very godawful. But ya know, it's only a small part of why I hate anime.

My Favorite Name in the World

Did I ever tell you what my favorite name in the world is? I'll go ahead and give you a hint, it's two syllables and starts with a D.

See, I used to watch a lot of television before I found the internet. And ya know, summer vacation... so I'd watch uh, I guess the USA network? In the mornings, it'd be Major Dad, followed by some/a lot of Wings, followed by Family Matters. And I would just sit there and watch em all in a row.

Now, I was just a little kid, not very picky about television, so Family Matters didn't seem that bad. There was a whole slew of family sitcoms pouring through back then. Full House, Step by Step, Family Matters, Boy Meets World... who knows why. But yea, Family Matters was the one with the African American family led by Reginald VelJohnson, the cop from Die Hard. And of course Steve Urkel, one of the banes of the 1990s. But I was a kid, so it seemed funny instead of irritating. *shrug*

So there was this one really dumb character on the show named Waldo, who had a girlfriend named... Denise. And that was really the first time I'd ever heard of the name. Didn't find the actress playing Denise attractive, but the name itself somehow became seared into my mind, my consciousness. Sure, it's just two little syllables, but the way it sounded just seemed so beautiful and elegant... it was the most amazingly attractive name I'd ever heard. Sure, there are names with more raw sex appeal like... Janine or Alexis (both pornstar names) or whatever... but I thought Denise was just the most beautiful name for a woman. And it's been that way ever since.

AvP 3: Joygasm!

So so happy right now.

That screenshot looks like it's the screenshot of the most perfect game ever. Cmon, look at that marine lying on the floor firing his rifle up at the leaping alien. That is just so *perfect*. I mean, it looks like it'll be a tactical squad shooter, which is my favorite kind of shooter. I never liked how AvP 1 had you as a lone marine. AvP 2 was a little bit better about that, I guess.

Unless it's a scripted sequence, or a clunky mechanic. Who knows. It could turn out to be bad. But right now, everything in that screenshot holds the promise of being great. The strangest aspect of that pic is the weapon he's holding, don't ya think? It looks like some weird double barrelled pulse rifle.

They also released this teaser trailer, which featured... a lot of logos flashing across the screen, and then 2 seconds of an Alien screaming. That was pretty lame.

Who knew textbooks left lasting memories?

I finally did it.

Finally... I found out what had been bothering me for about a week. it was this little niggling feeling in the back of my brain that would not stop bothering me. But through hard work and some perseverance, it's been solved.

The thing is, I've been watching all the episodes of The Office in this one long monster marathon. Just cause I uh, tend to do that when I get obsessed about something. Same thing happened when I watched Lost, finished it in a day and a half. Really really draining. Well, The Office is about a regional branch of this paper company called Dunder-Mifflin. For some reason, the name really sounded familiar, but I could not for the life of me place it. It was like a faint deja vu feeling, ya know? So it went around and around in my head until just now, I went browsing and hit a site for textbooks. And that's when it hit me... all the textbooks I used from elementary and middle school, most of em were made by this textbook company called Houghton-Mifflin. That's why it sounded so familiar on the show. Not sure about mathematics, those might've been by a different company. But definitely social studies. I remember this one textbook in particular named "From Sea to Shining Sea." Very educational but also well illustrated, with full splash pages of indian longcabins... information about making pemmican... neat stuff like that. Gosh, I cannot believe I still remember that... a fucking middle school textbook and I'm 24 right now. That's pretty scary. Very scary, actually.

So yea, I'm uh, I'm pretty happy right now. Big accomplishment.