Monday, May 10, 2010

Why I Hate Anime Part 2: The Art

What's up with anime? It's just terrible, terrible art. The same identical fucking appearance, all across anime. Weird shaped head, with giant eyes, small nose, small mouth. Fucking ridiculous. Are they greys? Are they supposed to look like grey aliens? Cause grey aliens also have giant eyes, small nose, and small mouth.

And what's up with them having giant teardrops next to their head sometimes? Why is there a giant teardrop hovering near their head? Why? Is it raining? Is something going on? It looks retarded. Absolutely hideous. Along with the giant eyes. And sometimes the faces turn into cat faces for some fucking reason. Again, stupid shit.

And what about the super deformed appearances? Sometimes they turn super deformed. Have they just been in a fucking transporter malfunction, like that scene in Star Trek The Motion Picture? Where the science officer and that chick from the Lost Years novels gets transmogrified and all screwed up by the transporter? Why are things super deformed? Why does anything have to be deformed for no goddamn reason? Why is it super deformed, and not ultra deformed? Super deformed denotes that it has not quite gotten to the stage where it might be ultra deformed? Cause they look pretty deformed, and squished, and all small and ugly and kinda stout and uh... they don't look quite right. Again, really stupid and ugly art.

But it all comes back to the fact that they all look stupid. Giant eyes, really really giant eyes. Who the hell thought up this shit? With small mouths, that sometimes have a little bit of pointy incisor tooth. Just a little bit of incisor, to make em look kinda like cat people. Other times, you don't even see the nose. The nose disappears completely. Just awful. Ridiculous crap.

And of course, because they do all look the same, with the identical faces, the only logical way to differentiate them... the only way to tell em apart, is with wild and different colored hair. So you've got people with green hair. For no goddamn reason. Or they'll have blonde hair, but they're still supposed to be Asian? Really? Asian people with really blonde hair, that doesn't actually look like it was dyed? Purple hair, blue hair... just the gamut of colors. All because they can't be fucked to draw people differently. Noooooo, always gotta continue with the same identical giant eyed faces with small mouths. Unless they open the mouth, then the nose disappears. The mouth opens, nose disappears, and giant teardrop comes WHAM out of fucking nowhere. People make fun of the crazy ass hair in anime, and the defense is "well they wouldn't be able to tell characters apart without the different colored hair." No fucking shit. No fucking shit we wouldn't be able to tell those idiotic characters apart, they're all the same with those giant eyes and small noses and mouths! The answer isn't to give em all ridiculous hair... it's to actually try and draw em differently sometimes a bit mayhaps! Think, you lazy assholes!

Speaking of lazy... anime is so absolutely lazy. Just look at ALL the fucking speedline sequences in anime. I'm talking about those scenes where a character does something really dramatic, like running. What is the background while he's running? It's some crazy hyperspace field with a lot of lines and maybe purple ass stars flying around and it's like... where the fuck did this guy go off to? Or a robot will do something crazy like fly around. Suddenly, he's in this pinkish background with sparkles or some shit. And he's doing some crazy maneuver, but it's not in a location anymore, he's floating around in this magical ethereal world of white lines and stars and uh... nothingness? It's bullshit.

And of course, you'll have plenty of shots of people making punches or cutting with a sword, and the animation shows them all frozen in place, then a giant slash appears, then the thing getting punched or cut suddenly leaps six feet off of where it was, and the shot freezes once again. This is supposed to be dramatic, but just looks lazy, like the animators didn't want to animate more then a few shots. Lots of frozen scenes, depicting stuff happening. It's retarded.

You look at American animation, and yea, some of it looks like crap, but for God's sake, it doesn't all look alike. The Simpsons doesn't look like Batman TAS. Batman TAS doesn't look like X-Men TAS. Rugrats doesn't look like Ren and Stimpy. Kim Possible doesn't look like South Park. (Yes, I watched Kim Possible. It was embarrassing, but I was bored.) But everything anime is the same. Giant eyes, small nose, small mouth... usually a fucking robot in the background.

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