Saturday, May 23, 2009

Why I Hate Anime Part 1: Gundam

Part 1 in a series of meditative thoughts about why I despise and loathe anime. This particular post is gonna focus on one of the biggest symbols of anime: Gundam.

So uh... I guess George Lucas doesn't care about people in Japan ripping off his Star Wars stuff? Cause aren't those light sabers the Gundams are using? Isn't that what it is, an energy sword type of weapon? Did Gundam pay for the rights to use light sabers from Star Wars? I kinda doubt it. Mind you, I don't like Star Wars... but that doesn't mean that ripping em off is okay. It's like you get two turds for the price of one.

And why does a Gundam always look like a giant robot stylized in samurai armor? If it's the future, why would the giant robot have to look that way? Some scientists finally made the breakthrough that allowed giant mechs to be a reality, and they all gathered around and decided that the samurai armor look was the obvious way to go? There's no other form that a giant advanced robotic fighting machine can take, they have to look like ancient Samurai warriors? I mean, they've got that samurai crest sorta spikey thing on top of the helmet, there's the actual helmet... and then you've got the two weird notches in the nose and the giant red clit for a chin. Why would you have these two random notches in the nose area? What does that do? Why do all Gundams have those two notches on the nose area? Someone explain this to me. And why a red chin? Why do Gundam always have that red chin that protrudes down? What technology requires a red chin that sorta pokes out of the face of the mech? Why this particular arrangement that's supposed to resemble a face? It doesn't matter, the pilot of the damn Gundam doesn't even sit in the head, he's sitting down in the torso. So why the two yellow eyes? Why the crest on top of the helmet? Why do they do this? And what's up with the shield? It doesn't cover much of the giant robot, it doesn't seem to be used at all... what's it doing? Why is there a giant star on the side of it? Does the giant yellow star provide some sort of technological boost?

And how about the name Gundam? What does Gundam even mean? Is it a combination of the words "gun" and "dam?" Cause Gundams do hold guns. Oftentimes, they'll be ridiculously long guns. Kinda unwieldy. But they do use guns. But what about dam? Are there any dams involved with Gundams? No, not really? Then what does Gundam mean? Why are they called Gundams instead of, say... Giant Samurai Robots? What's the meaning of Gundam? Does it have any meaning? I dunno, it's all very vague. They're just called Gundams because... they are. Even though guns and dams aren't generally associated with one another.

How come the hero of these weird Gundam animes is always some 14 or 15 year old boy? How does that make any sense? Why would you draft 15 year old boys into your army and allow them to pilot your best vehicles? That doesn't make any sense. We don't let 15 year old boys fly F22 Raptors. It's stupid. Although, at least in what I could see of this series, the 15 year old protagonist wasn't an effeminate-looking boy. Ya know, so many of these anime protagonists are rather effeminate. Kinda gender-confused. So that's a little different from other animes. He just has some weirdass hair.

So... their ship is called White Base? First of all, that is a really weak name. Why would anyone name anything White Base? That's the blandest fucking name ever. And furthermore, it's not even a base, it's a ship. Why would a ship be called White Base? I guess the ship is white, but shouldn't you call it something interesting and naval, like Enterprise or Excelsior? Why call it a White Base? A base is usually some sort of building on the ground. Even if it was a building, nobody in their right mind would just name it White Base. To call a giant battleship White Base is staggeringly unimaginative and lame. And the space station is named Side 7? Is this the 7th in the Side series of stations? Why the fuck would any space station be called Side 7? That is the most retarded name for a space station I have ever heard. I mean, Deep Space Nine is a pretty terrible name, but ya know what... it's light years beyond the idiotic naming schemes in Gundam.

Rambal Ral? Amuro Ray? Fraw Bow? Who the hell came up with these names? Why would anyone think to name characters like this? How can you take anything seriously when you see that their name is Rambal Ral? Wtf? Is this on purpose? Did the creative directors of the Gundam franchise intentionally come up with batshit insane names for the characters to... I dunno, show that in the future, people like really bizarre names? Is that their master stroke? It's uh... it's pretty bold.

So basically... Gundam is complete bullshit. It's uh... so very godawful. But ya know, it's only a small part of why I hate anime.

No comments:

Post a Comment