Saturday, January 3, 2009

Buffets: Fuck Em

Seriously, I can't stand buffets these days. Yes, in my youth I devoured their contents with great ease and vigor, but now that my metabolism has slowed down it just seems like an exercise in torture, stuffing your gut with all this low quality food. Make no mistake, buffets have shit for cuisine. That shark fin soup? One or two strands of shark fin in every spoonful. That sushi? Too much rice, not enough fish. It's how they make a profit, obviously.

Well, no more. I've learned my ways. Plus, my stomach doesn't seem capable of stretching as much as it used to. Sure, I can cram more food down if I want to, but I'll just end up feeling sick and shitty. Is that really worth it for some sense of "stickin it" to the buffet's bottom line? Sorry, I surrender. Nowadays, the sensible option is to go to a nice hearty restaurant like... ohhhh Red Lobster. I admit, Red Lobster is the bomb. Even some ppl I know who don't like sea food as a general rule will be won over by the elegant seafaring charms of your local Red Lobster establishment. Who can ignore the scrumptious complementary buttered bread thingies? Or the large ocean liner-sized Ultimate Feast? Even their steak is pretty damn good, which one might not expect from a seafood-oriented restaurant.

My typical outing at a RL (Red Lobster for those of the lower IQ brackets) consists of a caesar salad, then a dozen raw oysters with dashes of cocktail sauce, followed by an exquisite lobster pizza, and finally an ultimate feast. Though recently, I have experimented with the lobster shrimp and steak as a replacement for the ultimate feast, which is an old faithful standby. Oh, and of course a Sunset Passion Colada to quench my mighty thirst. Yes my friends, nothing but a pleasant and enjoyable outing while stuffing one's face with high quality seafood. Sure, the bill will probably end up being higher then that of a buffet's if you follow my menu selections, but as the old saying goes, you get what you pay for.

And yes, I do quite realize that the above passages sound like I'm getting paid to be some sort of blogging shill for the Red Lobster corporation. Unfortunately, I am actually kind of a slacker who plays WoW all day. When the need for nutrients arises, I simply like tasty seafood as opposed to hot pockets delivered to my basement.

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